Christmas and Santa
The gig is up. For the first time in 20 years, we are no longer Santa. A few months ago Keera declared there was no Easter bunny. There was really no question in her mind, and for a little bit, she kept Santa alive too, but then I thought that was over too...not so much.
She has an elf on the shelf and it moved beginning of December, but then mom fell asleep a few nights without moving it or writing a note to Keera. Then Keera stopped mentioning how Elfie was not moving, so I did not move it on purpose. Two weeks ago she said kids at school were telling her Elfie wasn't real, so I am thinking she is 9 (youngest in her grade), in fourth grade and she is going to start being teased if she continues to express herself. Now, most kids will still believe, but Keera is very expressive-if she is thinking it, you will know it-so I am sure she talks a lot at school about stuff. If she didn't, it would be one thing, but putting yourself out there contributes to feedback coming back at you. So, I was a little afraid she might get teased.
We came up to wrapping presents a few days ago and she had not mentioned Santa at all really, so I wasn't sure what was going on in her brain. I knew one thing - she was wrapping all presents with me and I hadn't picked out the "Santa presents" yet, so no matter what I did, she would know they were from mom and dad to Katie, Connor and Brendan-not from Santa (unless I went out and bought more and I spend enough as it is). As I am realizing this and the fact that she had not mentioned Santa much at all, I brought it up. "So, Keera, what do you think about SAnta?"
She said, "What do you mean, whether he is real?"
I said, "Yeah, what do you think about that?"
She said, "Is he?"
I said, "Well, what do you think?"
I cannot really remember exactly where it went from there, but it ended at her saying, "he isn't real is he?" And so I went into the speech about how it is the spirit of Christmas that is alive and well and it is about Jesus being born...everyone giving to each other...etc. She was fine. I thought she would cry, but she did not. I think she really knew or had thought about it to some degree already. I will never forget when Connor was in third grade, 9 and Katie in second grade 7.5, they both found out from someone at school or something. Connor cried (he is so sweet) and to Katie it seemed like no big deal. I was not feeling too badly about the whole situation (and truth be told, maybe I was a little ready myself to retire Santa). I always think it is good to balance keeping that alive and yet knowing when your kids will think about whether you are dishonest about it. At younger ages, you can easily say, "of course he is real", but as they get older and are asking you with different reasoning in their mind, it is harder to say it so clearly. At any rate, Bob is the one I should have worried about. Bob came in the room and Keera (and her bluntness) said "Mom told me SAnta isn't real." Now, honestly that is not how it went down...but Bob said, "Of course he is real." Keera said, "DAd". But the next few days were filled with little comments from Bob like, "you have to get to bed early cause of Santa." "Dad", again, Keera said. I truly think he was passively telling me he wasn't ready for her to know. I guess I should have consulted with him first but the timing just seemed right for the conversation and there was no negative fall out from her, so I am trying to console myself. It is kind of hard to let go of the mystery, but it will be back again when we have another generation at some point.
Within a day or so the question of the tooth fairy came up and then Elfie being real, so we went through that process too...."do you think they are real?" etc. We went through the whole thing again. I went to Katie's room (and her friend was over) for some consulation on how it went. They were very good with me. I knew Katie would have an objective side to share. She is a big help.
At any rate, Santa is not around in the house anymore, but the spirit of giving and Jesus' birth live on.
She has an elf on the shelf and it moved beginning of December, but then mom fell asleep a few nights without moving it or writing a note to Keera. Then Keera stopped mentioning how Elfie was not moving, so I did not move it on purpose. Two weeks ago she said kids at school were telling her Elfie wasn't real, so I am thinking she is 9 (youngest in her grade), in fourth grade and she is going to start being teased if she continues to express herself. Now, most kids will still believe, but Keera is very expressive-if she is thinking it, you will know it-so I am sure she talks a lot at school about stuff. If she didn't, it would be one thing, but putting yourself out there contributes to feedback coming back at you. So, I was a little afraid she might get teased.
We came up to wrapping presents a few days ago and she had not mentioned Santa at all really, so I wasn't sure what was going on in her brain. I knew one thing - she was wrapping all presents with me and I hadn't picked out the "Santa presents" yet, so no matter what I did, she would know they were from mom and dad to Katie, Connor and Brendan-not from Santa (unless I went out and bought more and I spend enough as it is). As I am realizing this and the fact that she had not mentioned Santa much at all, I brought it up. "So, Keera, what do you think about SAnta?"
She said, "What do you mean, whether he is real?"
I said, "Yeah, what do you think about that?"
She said, "Is he?"
I said, "Well, what do you think?"
I cannot really remember exactly where it went from there, but it ended at her saying, "he isn't real is he?" And so I went into the speech about how it is the spirit of Christmas that is alive and well and it is about Jesus being born...everyone giving to each other...etc. She was fine. I thought she would cry, but she did not. I think she really knew or had thought about it to some degree already. I will never forget when Connor was in third grade, 9 and Katie in second grade 7.5, they both found out from someone at school or something. Connor cried (he is so sweet) and to Katie it seemed like no big deal. I was not feeling too badly about the whole situation (and truth be told, maybe I was a little ready myself to retire Santa). I always think it is good to balance keeping that alive and yet knowing when your kids will think about whether you are dishonest about it. At younger ages, you can easily say, "of course he is real", but as they get older and are asking you with different reasoning in their mind, it is harder to say it so clearly. At any rate, Bob is the one I should have worried about. Bob came in the room and Keera (and her bluntness) said "Mom told me SAnta isn't real." Now, honestly that is not how it went down...but Bob said, "Of course he is real." Keera said, "DAd". But the next few days were filled with little comments from Bob like, "you have to get to bed early cause of Santa." "Dad", again, Keera said. I truly think he was passively telling me he wasn't ready for her to know. I guess I should have consulted with him first but the timing just seemed right for the conversation and there was no negative fall out from her, so I am trying to console myself. It is kind of hard to let go of the mystery, but it will be back again when we have another generation at some point.
Within a day or so the question of the tooth fairy came up and then Elfie being real, so we went through that process too...."do you think they are real?" etc. We went through the whole thing again. I went to Katie's room (and her friend was over) for some consulation on how it went. They were very good with me. I knew Katie would have an objective side to share. She is a big help.
At any rate, Santa is not around in the house anymore, but the spirit of giving and Jesus' birth live on.
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