Thoughts
January 26th - fire in house - smell, see smoke, see bright orange - react - Brendan awesome help, Keera did was she was told....men from next door coming to help us..dogs in garage...back in for cat....get her....runs away.....Tammy and Pete stop (on their way home to await blizzard...work with me.....hold me as I totally fall apart....take Keera to a car to stay warm....Brendan standing alone in moccasins....watching firemen put out the flames...windows broken....Tracey, Kelly, Nicki and Dad show up....family.....civil engineer talking with me....grew up with his sister....brings us to hotel....I tell him I think I bring the eucharist to his mother homebound....he thanks me with sincerity that surprises me...offers his home to us if we need it. Firemen - work hard, do their job, bring us back in...emotional...our house-black, smells of plastic and an unbelievable awful burned odor-water dripping-ruins...through the front to the back...listening to directions from fireman while trying to grab some things to help...."this is still your property, you can come on it anytime...you will need to board it up now.".......Man we know (N.) shows up because he restores and Bob called him....he starts to look through with Bob....people randomly stop with their business cards...."sorry for your loss, if you need us contact us...here is our card....".....sharks the firemen called them....they will hound you, call you, be on your property...you can kick them off or threaten jailing...newspaper...takes names....neighbors come to help....one I don't even know from a few houses down...."your house always looked so pretty at holiday time with your Christmas houses in the window".....makes me feel more sad.....hotel, confusing, red cross filling out paperwork....wonderful to us....waiting for Bob....getting house boarded up and water turned off....took charge of house....work as a team, never seem to be able to be together but always covering every angle.
3 weeks of emotions, overwhelming....blessed, scared....angry....cheated....tired...so tired....traumatized....body weak....can't eat....sick stomach.....weight loss......humor....laughing....make jokes....cry.....hold people up....see the good in it.....work at work.....go to school....focus on stuff to avoid thoughts......fun at hotel....depleted....not depleted.....whirlwind.
hotel - "Good morning Mrs. Reed"...."Glad you found a rental...best of luck to you...your family is so nice, good kids."....."your laundry arrived - all 15 boxes and hanging things....we will help you bring it up"....sort through it, smell each item....lost all of my sweaters but three...Katie - clothes-lost a lot-gift cards from people at school-buy new clothes - exciting, sad....want old clothes built up over years...glad to have new clothes....glad to have support....not alone. Pool, hot tub.....ok....not like vacation....Keera's basketball team over after game-pizza, swim....repay for their kindness...fun for kids...Katie....sleep over in snowstorm....fun....3 girls per bed-teenagers, enjoy....an adventure....Brendan....finding places to stay, not comfortable in hotel...working a lot....dinners, breakfast.....maids.....nice break.....rental
rental-insurance-phone calls-house-demolition-so much stimulation...routine.....rental house-small-good-plumbing issues-working on it-huge hill driveway-funny-arrange cars at night by who is leaving first, rearrange-change in plans-connor home from school for long weekend-fun-more complicated....bed in dining room....buy mattresses 6 sets-exhausting for us/for salesmen....delivery day...rental furniture-good, not mine though....mine all gone-no couches-new-fun-strange-in the future....now....demolition/burned smell, studs and no walls...no heat, no electricity....scary....
dogs-back-hotel-ok-walks many times a day-different-no fenced in yard-ok-exercise-Grady skinny first time in 5 years...fun.....nature-God's world talking to me-in house-watch them-crate day-ok-sleep on beds at night-change-nice.....landlord-nice-former teacher-people are interesting
We are going on the third week of what is going to be many for our new adventure. People again, have been incredibly supportive with gift cards and checks. Not necessary, but much appreciated. It is hard to realize how much you really use and how little you really use when you are just removed from your house suddenly and put into a setting where you must continue to live your routine. It is interesting and different and also tiring and stressful. We seemed to be getting settled for what will be a six month removal from our house. Katie and Keera have bedrooms next to each other. Katie just came home from a sleepover. She asked where everyone was - C working, B workng, D sleeping, K in room. Katie went up and knocked on her door and asked what's up. I see a connection between Katie and Keera developing. This small house situation could be helping that. The dogs are so much easier to watch in a small house. There are moments when I am thinking how easy it would be to move into a smaller house and maybe nicer, certainly cheaper. I wonder what our future holds. Will this be six months? Will it be longer? What will our house turn out to be when done? Will I want to move into something smaller? Would the house sell? I have so many thoughts in my mind and I am wondering where some of them are coming from.
I am proud of my children and how they have handled this. They are great people for many reasons. I hope they move on to change the world in some great way. I hope that writing may take away some of my doubts and thoughts....putting things down can take them away from us and place them somewhere safe to look at later on.
3 weeks of emotions, overwhelming....blessed, scared....angry....cheated....tired...so tired....traumatized....body weak....can't eat....sick stomach.....weight loss......humor....laughing....make jokes....cry.....hold people up....see the good in it.....work at work.....go to school....focus on stuff to avoid thoughts......fun at hotel....depleted....not depleted.....whirlwind.
hotel - "Good morning Mrs. Reed"...."Glad you found a rental...best of luck to you...your family is so nice, good kids."....."your laundry arrived - all 15 boxes and hanging things....we will help you bring it up"....sort through it, smell each item....lost all of my sweaters but three...Katie - clothes-lost a lot-gift cards from people at school-buy new clothes - exciting, sad....want old clothes built up over years...glad to have new clothes....glad to have support....not alone. Pool, hot tub.....ok....not like vacation....Keera's basketball team over after game-pizza, swim....repay for their kindness...fun for kids...Katie....sleep over in snowstorm....fun....3 girls per bed-teenagers, enjoy....an adventure....Brendan....finding places to stay, not comfortable in hotel...working a lot....dinners, breakfast.....maids.....nice break.....rental
rental-insurance-phone calls-house-demolition-so much stimulation...routine.....rental house-small-good-plumbing issues-working on it-huge hill driveway-funny-arrange cars at night by who is leaving first, rearrange-change in plans-connor home from school for long weekend-fun-more complicated....bed in dining room....buy mattresses 6 sets-exhausting for us/for salesmen....delivery day...rental furniture-good, not mine though....mine all gone-no couches-new-fun-strange-in the future....now....demolition/burned smell, studs and no walls...no heat, no electricity....scary....
dogs-back-hotel-ok-walks many times a day-different-no fenced in yard-ok-exercise-Grady skinny first time in 5 years...fun.....nature-God's world talking to me-in house-watch them-crate day-ok-sleep on beds at night-change-nice.....landlord-nice-former teacher-people are interesting
We are going on the third week of what is going to be many for our new adventure. People again, have been incredibly supportive with gift cards and checks. Not necessary, but much appreciated. It is hard to realize how much you really use and how little you really use when you are just removed from your house suddenly and put into a setting where you must continue to live your routine. It is interesting and different and also tiring and stressful. We seemed to be getting settled for what will be a six month removal from our house. Katie and Keera have bedrooms next to each other. Katie just came home from a sleepover. She asked where everyone was - C working, B workng, D sleeping, K in room. Katie went up and knocked on her door and asked what's up. I see a connection between Katie and Keera developing. This small house situation could be helping that. The dogs are so much easier to watch in a small house. There are moments when I am thinking how easy it would be to move into a smaller house and maybe nicer, certainly cheaper. I wonder what our future holds. Will this be six months? Will it be longer? What will our house turn out to be when done? Will I want to move into something smaller? Would the house sell? I have so many thoughts in my mind and I am wondering where some of them are coming from.
I am proud of my children and how they have handled this. They are great people for many reasons. I hope they move on to change the world in some great way. I hope that writing may take away some of my doubts and thoughts....putting things down can take them away from us and place them somewhere safe to look at later on.
Comments
Post a Comment