My goal
So my new year's resolution to blog every day is not off to a good start....of course it was kind of doomed from the beginning. Well, I have four days to catch up with writing.... I think I need some therapuetic writing right now, so I a going to try to blog away.
Connor was funny last night....he was actually enjoying talking to his cousins and somehow the topic of getting here came up. He said, "yeah....you (meaning me) said that we would go to the ER early, no one would be there at 2 a.m., we would not have to wait and we would get out quick.......and three days later, look where we are or we are still here." He said it with a sense of humor...it sounded funny coming out. That was a touch of the Connor I love to see.
Random thoughts.....
As much as I hate Connor's loud snoring and as tired as I was and needing sleep while staying in his hospital room, I liked to hear him snoring because it reminded me that I was lucky he was alive....it almost rhythmically put me to sleep.
Others - people are so good with supportive words and checking in...technology really got me through the last few days...just a text or all the facebook posts that Bob got let us know how good people are.
Family - Katie offered and went grocery shopping for me. Keera said with a very strong face (holding back tears) that she was ok if I slept at the hospital for the third night in a row. Brendan giving me great hugs and being there for me. Tracey and Dad....Kelly and Nicky.....Sharron and Pepere, Aunt Kate, Aunt Jo Ann and Pat, Michelle....Kyndell....anyone who sent along a caring word and so many who may just be thinking caring thoughts all helped.
Professionals - the nurses and assistants are great! I cannot think of a more noble profession. They are sincere and hard working but personal. Some are a little more fit to it than others, but in the end they are caring professionals.
I cannot believe how much it hurts to see your children in pain and not themselves. And I can't believe how the body and mind just kick into this survial mode.....you find yourself with energy and stamina to do things you didn't think you would ever be able to do....hold up your taller and heavier than you 18 year old boy as they try to stumble back to their bed...just one example.
Random weird thought.....for Christmas Bob bought me a book about personal motivation...he knows I like to read and am inspired by what others have done in their lives. He bought me a book called 11 seconds. It was aobut a college hockey player who in his first 11 seconds of his first starting hockey game at college (something he had worked for all of his life) hit a side board with his head and from then on was paralyzed, basically from the neck down. He was 20. It was a sad story because there is no "happy ending". He ends up leading as fulfilling a life as he can and overcomes a lot of hardship, but it is so sad that things just happen. So the whole time I am reading it, I am thinking of my 20 year old son and his skateboarding and I am thinking of my 18 year old son and his hobbies. Boys are always so busy in the moment of activity that they don't see the danger in what they are doing. I thought as I read how lucky and blessed I am that I have healthy kids, etc. and I couldn't help but think as I was reading it...why I ws reading it....what was it? did I need to worry about when the other shoe was going to drop? It put me on guard for if anything like that ever happened to my children. Then Connor got sick....it was just strange. Granted he is not paralyzed and he will hopefully be fine in a few weeks, but maybe some of the things I read about this young man's trials and families trials helped me (without even knowing it to get through the last few days). I do not really believe in coincidences...I think things happen for reasons. I guess some people would argue that you can just lookk for things happening for reasons and make it fit, but I don't believe in that.
ok-Connor is starting to wake up a little, so I guess I will blog more later....ltos of thoughts that someday I want to look back on and may even help me process right now.
Connor was funny last night....he was actually enjoying talking to his cousins and somehow the topic of getting here came up. He said, "yeah....you (meaning me) said that we would go to the ER early, no one would be there at 2 a.m., we would not have to wait and we would get out quick.......and three days later, look where we are or we are still here." He said it with a sense of humor...it sounded funny coming out. That was a touch of the Connor I love to see.
Random thoughts.....
As much as I hate Connor's loud snoring and as tired as I was and needing sleep while staying in his hospital room, I liked to hear him snoring because it reminded me that I was lucky he was alive....it almost rhythmically put me to sleep.
Others - people are so good with supportive words and checking in...technology really got me through the last few days...just a text or all the facebook posts that Bob got let us know how good people are.
Family - Katie offered and went grocery shopping for me. Keera said with a very strong face (holding back tears) that she was ok if I slept at the hospital for the third night in a row. Brendan giving me great hugs and being there for me. Tracey and Dad....Kelly and Nicky.....Sharron and Pepere, Aunt Kate, Aunt Jo Ann and Pat, Michelle....Kyndell....anyone who sent along a caring word and so many who may just be thinking caring thoughts all helped.
Professionals - the nurses and assistants are great! I cannot think of a more noble profession. They are sincere and hard working but personal. Some are a little more fit to it than others, but in the end they are caring professionals.
I cannot believe how much it hurts to see your children in pain and not themselves. And I can't believe how the body and mind just kick into this survial mode.....you find yourself with energy and stamina to do things you didn't think you would ever be able to do....hold up your taller and heavier than you 18 year old boy as they try to stumble back to their bed...just one example.
Random weird thought.....for Christmas Bob bought me a book about personal motivation...he knows I like to read and am inspired by what others have done in their lives. He bought me a book called 11 seconds. It was aobut a college hockey player who in his first 11 seconds of his first starting hockey game at college (something he had worked for all of his life) hit a side board with his head and from then on was paralyzed, basically from the neck down. He was 20. It was a sad story because there is no "happy ending". He ends up leading as fulfilling a life as he can and overcomes a lot of hardship, but it is so sad that things just happen. So the whole time I am reading it, I am thinking of my 20 year old son and his skateboarding and I am thinking of my 18 year old son and his hobbies. Boys are always so busy in the moment of activity that they don't see the danger in what they are doing. I thought as I read how lucky and blessed I am that I have healthy kids, etc. and I couldn't help but think as I was reading it...why I ws reading it....what was it? did I need to worry about when the other shoe was going to drop? It put me on guard for if anything like that ever happened to my children. Then Connor got sick....it was just strange. Granted he is not paralyzed and he will hopefully be fine in a few weeks, but maybe some of the things I read about this young man's trials and families trials helped me (without even knowing it to get through the last few days). I do not really believe in coincidences...I think things happen for reasons. I guess some people would argue that you can just lookk for things happening for reasons and make it fit, but I don't believe in that.
ok-Connor is starting to wake up a little, so I guess I will blog more later....ltos of thoughts that someday I want to look back on and may even help me process right now.
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