writing often helps to heal
My goal this year was to try to blog a little bit each day. That was kind of shot to he** by Jan. 2nd when everything went down. Tonight for the first time since Jan. 2nd, I wanted to blog. I think I need to start processing things in my mind and someday I want this to be something Connor can look back on....maybe read to see things from a different perspective-his mothers. I think I will just throw things down to help me process everything.
The boy/young man who has been unable to move for two weeks trying so hard to talk around the breathing tube.....saying sentences at a time while I try to catch up to every syllable he is pronouncing. He goes on and on as if I can see as clearly as he is thinking in his mind. He has started spelling words out now, which is much easier. Today he spelled out trash. What on earth would he be thinking about trash for....he wanted to throw his breathing tube in the trash. Yes, Connor, when you are done needing it.
He is bored...I think he said that at least five times within two hours today. Good-I am glad that you are bored. That is a nice to me that you are ready to be done with this. We just need your body to catch up.
People-I cannot believe the goodness that people are. So many contributions financially, emotionally, etc. People are amazing. I picture Connor in that room laying in bed wondering when this is all going to end, with only a few people coming in and out (and it should be that way because he is still sick and tires easily). Then I picture all of the good things going on for him and his family and I wish somehow Connor could see it and feel it all; that alone would bring healing to him. I tell him things, but it is not the same as experiencing it himself.
I look at pictures of him hanging in my office (my huge bulletin board of all of my kids' pictures) and I think, how did this smiling guy end up in this situation? There is no answer....I just know I want him back to that smiling guy. While work is a good distraction....I see students walking down the hallways laughing and I think how is it possible that my son is laying in a hospital bed right now-he should be in the hallways of his high school, laughing and having fun.
I read posts of people who have had or whose children have had ADEM. Some are positive - 95% recover etc. and some are so scary-worst case scenarios Bob always says....."I just got out of a wheelchair after a year and have to walk with a brace." "My daughter has some permanent damage, but she is a thriving 24 year old." It is so scary that this could have an unknown outcome for my otherwise healthy and thriving 18 year old boy.
The boy who runs his schools blood drives; the boy who was a PE mentor to a fellow student/friend, who is going blind from diabetes; the boy who makes cakes for friends when it is their birthday; the boy who gave me the collectible "St. Patrick's Cathedral" Christmas house this year. The boy who gave his sister 20.00 to buy me flowers the second day he was sick at home because I was being so good to him (20 days ago); the boy who knew of my interview disappointment in the past and went out to buy me candy and a card. This is who Connor is. He has always had a sweet streak inside of him that just wants to give. This is the boy who lies in the hospital bed trying to fight off all of this illness that has overcome his body. He has the will, he has the spirit, he has the heart.....please heal him.
The boy/young man who has been unable to move for two weeks trying so hard to talk around the breathing tube.....saying sentences at a time while I try to catch up to every syllable he is pronouncing. He goes on and on as if I can see as clearly as he is thinking in his mind. He has started spelling words out now, which is much easier. Today he spelled out trash. What on earth would he be thinking about trash for....he wanted to throw his breathing tube in the trash. Yes, Connor, when you are done needing it.
He is bored...I think he said that at least five times within two hours today. Good-I am glad that you are bored. That is a nice to me that you are ready to be done with this. We just need your body to catch up.
People-I cannot believe the goodness that people are. So many contributions financially, emotionally, etc. People are amazing. I picture Connor in that room laying in bed wondering when this is all going to end, with only a few people coming in and out (and it should be that way because he is still sick and tires easily). Then I picture all of the good things going on for him and his family and I wish somehow Connor could see it and feel it all; that alone would bring healing to him. I tell him things, but it is not the same as experiencing it himself.
I look at pictures of him hanging in my office (my huge bulletin board of all of my kids' pictures) and I think, how did this smiling guy end up in this situation? There is no answer....I just know I want him back to that smiling guy. While work is a good distraction....I see students walking down the hallways laughing and I think how is it possible that my son is laying in a hospital bed right now-he should be in the hallways of his high school, laughing and having fun.
I read posts of people who have had or whose children have had ADEM. Some are positive - 95% recover etc. and some are so scary-worst case scenarios Bob always says....."I just got out of a wheelchair after a year and have to walk with a brace." "My daughter has some permanent damage, but she is a thriving 24 year old." It is so scary that this could have an unknown outcome for my otherwise healthy and thriving 18 year old boy.
The boy who runs his schools blood drives; the boy who was a PE mentor to a fellow student/friend, who is going blind from diabetes; the boy who makes cakes for friends when it is their birthday; the boy who gave me the collectible "St. Patrick's Cathedral" Christmas house this year. The boy who gave his sister 20.00 to buy me flowers the second day he was sick at home because I was being so good to him (20 days ago); the boy who knew of my interview disappointment in the past and went out to buy me candy and a card. This is who Connor is. He has always had a sweet streak inside of him that just wants to give. This is the boy who lies in the hospital bed trying to fight off all of this illness that has overcome his body. He has the will, he has the spirit, he has the heart.....please heal him.
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